It's Love

For a short time, I put "personal" or "opinion" or whatever at the top of my blog posts to give a hint of what the post is about.  Now I just think that's silly.  I don't have some big following or anything, but I connect with some folks here and there, and that's fine by me.  This page has been going for a long time.  I've looked back on some of the old posts and witnessed something, though, with the ones where I was talking about myself or somebody else.  What I observed was that guy was ME.  I wrote that stuff.  For better or worse.  Most times for one or the other.

So, that guy was indeed me that wrote those words, but that version of me doesn't exist anymore.  I must take full responsibility for my past musings, but disown many of those views today.  I continue to be kind of hard on myself, like everyone is from time to time, but man... these past couple of years were revelatory for me.

I've done, and continue to do, some deep diving on spirituality, and really, reality in general.  Something that I've learned to do most recently is to disconnect from social media (mostly, anyway... I'm still at BlueSky, and use Twitter for reference).  I imagine there are some who think that I might have "unfriended" them on Facebook or Instagram or Threads, but after finding myself getting drawn back into the fire on many issues, social and political, I asked myself if it was all worth it.  It is NOT.

As a patient of mental illness, which I have much under control these days, I have to consider what's best to improve myself and my outlook.  Not just for my sake.  There are people like my wife and daughter that have to deal with me frequently, and so I think I should work on making myself the best person that will fit in their lives and maybe make them better.  I know it all makes me much better. 

Getting away from the social media bubble has become a revelation for me.  A couple of months ago, I had a bit of a setback in my recovery, but rather than lay on the ground and brood over what got me there, I mustered the energy to get up quickly, apologize to anyone I may have pissed off - like my wife, who insists she's never upset with me - and attempt to deconstruct what happened to that I can remember the hole in this road I just ran into so I might dodge it the next time I'm there.  

I questioned my beliefs, outlook, surroundings, and most importantly, how each of them makes me feel as a person.  I kind of came to a conclusion that every interaction you have with someone is based on two major things:  Intention and Perception.  Someone throws what they think is an innocent joke your way.  The intention is for that person to make you laugh.  How it's received, the perception, is entirely, ENTIRELY up to you.  If the intention was to offend you, you can either ignore it, or laugh it off, like an arrow off a suit of armour.  In the show Game of Thrones, a character named Tyrion Lannister, played by the marvelous Peter Dinklage, he was continuously being called an imp and other colorful things relating to him being a dwarf person.  He would respond to them by telling them they were right... he's an imp, a tiny man, etc., and he was the best, most powerful imp or midget or whatever that they will ever have to deal with.  "Wear it like armour," he'd say, "and it can never be used against you".  

Thus, when people give their opinions, including myself, they're just like assholes.  Everyone has them.  Some of them stink more than others.  Some don't at all.  But it's subjective with each and every one of us.  Who cares what the collective thinks, though.  Some of us care too much.  I know I did.  But I do believe that opinions are best when they're backed up with facts.  And facts don't care about opinions.  They just are.  

On social media, it seems that people feel the need to vent their opinions.  And let's face it... everyone has a different one.  Some may be similar.  But I think we need to be careful on what kind of sources we base our views on.  Getting political only briefly here, millions of people continue to watch Fox News, even after they were actually successfully sued for nearly $800 million for lying on behalf of the far-right.  People continued to watch.  Integrity is apparently priceless to some.

The problem with social media is, that it lacks so much context.  That would be the biggest problem with it for me.  You're reading this, but you can't hear the sound or tonality of my voice.  You can't hear my expression.  You can't see the look on my face when I'm typing it in.  All of these particulars can make a world of difference in how something is perceived.  And depending on how positive or negative you feel at any given time, it can be misconstrued, sometimes sadly.  Lots of folks have lost friends through social media.  That happens far more than when you're face to face with someone.  Ultimately, context is everything.

I have been guilty of all of that through the years; relying too much on platforms that are actually built to make you feel a certain way to begin with, mostly not good.  Being a mental illness survivor, I don't really think I personally have any business being on it the way I was.  Words in the wind can potentially be a lot more forgettable than when they're online forever, and more easily repaired.  Depending on your outlook.  I suppose I continue to be guilty of it from time to time, but far, far less upon realizing this more.

These days, I focus on the vibe of things.  Really.  The vibe.  Everything is vibration, and the higher the frequency, the clearer and happier you are.  I've discovered this as I continue on my journey toward acceptance of life.  I monitor my intentions, and gauge my perceptions, for they will dictate how high my vibe is.  

My wife embarked on a journey at the beginning of the year to focus on one specific thing, Inflammation.  It's what all illness is.  Including the multitude of things she deals with.  She wanted to bring her weight down after beating E. Coli/Covid/Sepsis last year, and build her body back better to ward off all this stuff.  She's lost around 30 pounds and is still shrinking, while she continues to go to the gym with me regularly and doing lots and lots of walking.  Up to now, this year, she's walked around 1500 miles, as we have partaken in walking frequently, with what we've called 'pot walks', where we take our cannabis edibles and head out for two, three, four hour walks around town.  The THC component has a way of shutting out the bad and tremendously accenting the good.  You see things you don't normally see.  I don't mean hallucinating either, rather a filter is removed and it allows you to witness what was in front of you all along.  This is in our experience, and I know with countless others as well.  

We've taken to walking through Victoria Park here in Moncton almost every time we go for a walk in the summertime.  We discovered something early on that really made us feel blissful, without irony at all.  We'll start at one corner, across the street from our old dentist I went to for decades, and walk through acknowledging all the trees throughout the park.  There are lovely flower beds, benches, and a memorial for war vets set up where Remembrance Day ceremonies are held annually.  I know my Dad used to attend those.  Sometimes I'll ponder my Mom and Dad having been there many times.

We'd continue on through the park, marveling at the age of the mighty trees that have been there through the ages.  The stories they could tell!  They've seen generations come and go, and continue to welcome the newcomers.  They're alive.  That's a fact.  But their vibration is different from ours, so they witness life differently than we do.  But they see us.  They hear us.  They know us.  They continue to provide for us, unconditionally.  We are unabashed 'tree huggers'.  To do so actually brings grounding for our bodies and souls.  We don't actually hug them, because they're so huge, some of them.  But we stop to touch them and offer thanks.  We're talking to God, after all.  God is nature and love.  And God is nothing else.  We do not believe in a vengeful and jealous God.  God literally holds everything together.  Not unlike what King's X sings in "It's Love".  God is love.

As we continue on past the water fountain, which was dry this year because of a lingering water drought, people are sitting on the grass in the park, on the benches, and gathered all around in the grassy open, playing frisbee or ball or just playing, people of all colors, nationalities, religions, ethnic backgrounds, countries of origin, along with what once was a very 'white' city.  Now it's so colorful and radiant, and happy, ecstatic even!  In our elevated state, witnessing all this is absolutely intoxicating, to the point almost of joyful tears.  We make it a point to say hi to everyone, especially if they're of color, to make them feel welcome as possible.  What we didn't quite realize was what we were to get back from these fine folks.  Giant smiles, waves, gratitude, and just generally elevated, loving spirits.  It's something to be in the midst of, with a positive state of mind, to become a part of what is heaven on earth.  Heaven, to us, not being a place, but a state, emanating from the middle of the chest and spreading throughout the body.  Everyone there is so happy!  Who wouldn't want to be part of this?  We made it a point all summer of allowing ourselves to bask in this remarkable high of vibrations, letting it wash over us, adorning us with a glow that perhaps we'd been missing.  And it occurred to me... what if this really is what heaven is?  All of this diversity, all this love, all this acceptance.  It's what's sorely lacking in the U.S. right now.  They are not embracing this like we do.  Canada has work to do on acceptance, of course, but we're aware of it and most of us I think realize love overcomes all.  When you have acceptance and love and respect, you get all of this back in droves.  Canada is a happy place, generally.  So diverse, so forward looking.  In countries around the world where there is strife and conflict, you get the opposite.  In short... the vibe in Canada is very high.  Forget politics.  Forget whoever's opinion that crashed with yours.  Focus inward, love and forgive yourself and others, and spread it around.  It's very sweetly contagious.  

I would challenge anyone reading this who might be on social media to take a one month break from it.  Get outside instead.  Listen to your favorite music.  That's a big one... music can instantly rev up the vibe.  Be around people who make you happy, where you can be yourself.  Don't stay around any situation that brings down your vibe.  Also, alcohol is a depressant, and can be evil in excessive amounts.  Alcohol itself isn't evil, but never give it your steering wheel.  Doing all of this will change you if you find you're stuck in the cycle of criticism.

I do hope anyone who might read this finds some kind of solace within these turbulent times.  It is not hopeless, unless you say it is.  Love can save you.

And I wish you, indeed, much much love.