Not going to make this too long.
I suffered a pretty bad anxiety attack a few days ago. I've been in 'recovery mode' since, and I'm finding it hard to get back; but I will.
But I'm so tired of having to be resilient. I hate it when it happens, so much. What can be a gloriously wonderful day can turn on a dime by a trigger that pulls you right back into the abyss. And it seems the only way out of that abyss is purging via self-harm. The very, very worst thing about it all is that my wife often witnesses it happening. And she feels helpless to stop it when it happens.
Sometimes the stress is remarkable. Right now I'm dealing with lack of support from my employer by being cut down to part time (from 40 hours/week to 28, which they claim is the bare minimum full time hours; part time to everyone else). This leaves me feeling unwelcome to go back. I see the writing on the wall, and I've seen it for a while now. The company I work for is cutting my position in most locations, but my former boss stood up for me because of my loyalty and quality of work. But now he's gone, and so is my support. Many others left because he did. In the end, it means I need to find other work. It's a feeling someone like me, who's afflicted with this anxiety/PTSD/depression illness, has a hard time dealing with, or finding a positive outlook on.
I did just find a page that very much describes what people like me deals with, and it hits the mark right on the head. For those who have a hard time dealing, or understanding, it's kind of a must-read.
Thanks for dropping by my humble little corner of the web.
