If cognitive behavioral therapy is a thing, I need to find a way to engage with it. Without paying hundreds of bucks a month to a therapist. My anxiety issues have ebbed a fair bit since I blogged last time, though. Still, there's some inner mechanics to dealing with post TBI issues that I think is beyond the do-it-yourself route.
I don't expect everyone to understand what I'm dealing with. Truthfully, I think some who've been close to me actually do understand, and that's why they've chosen to stay away. But I won't assume too much. I need to interject as well, I'm not the type to reach out too much either. I'm actually more guilty of being out of touch than anyone else. I know my issues might seem like an excuse to many, or even most, to keep me from going forward. For me today, moving forward means one more day that I haven't self-harmed. And the last time was August 2, 2022. This is the longest I've gone in not hurting myself since I can remember. That's progress to me.
Now what I have to get in order is my sleeping habits. Or lack of them, maybe. As I write this, I'm awake at 4:47am on a Tuesday morning. My wife is sleeping beside me right now, and MMH is on my lap snoozing too. I'm waiting for the inspiration to shut my friggin' eyes here. I've just taken my cannabis oil and Elovil, to try to expedite this matter. If the oil doesn't make me sleepy enough to sleep, though, it still leaves me feeling pretty damn content. That's the difference between this oil and booze, is alcohol is a depressant, leaving one vulnerable to bouts of sadness, especially if they're compromised like me. But cannabis just makes you so .... happy. Worries slip away. Focus on the positive and happiness are greatly amplified. My wife will vouch for this. She's given up many narcotics like Tylenol 3 and Percocet in favor of cannabis, and it's left her with a much greater sense of control over things. And in comparison to booze, it's cheap.
Anyway, my biggest qualm these days is my troubles with sleep. I do get my eight hours in, it's just I can't seem to align my sleep with the darkness outside. Even on these long-ass Canadian nights.
The month has been going pretty good, pretty steady. We got ourselves a 65" 4K OLED television at Costco, where they had them for Boxing Day. It actually just sat around the living room for a while, because we wanted to mount it on the wall, so we got the bracket for it. I asked my brother Rick if he'd come give me a hand, and he was willing to help. Thing is, I'd seen it sitting on the floor too long, and I'm tired of being stonewalled by things that I should be able to friggin' do. So I rallied Janice with me to put our heads together, and we'll both do it. This was a test for my patience issues. A big one. Because I ran into some serious puzzle pieces that I had no idea how they fit at times. But I had the presence of mind to separate myself from whatever issue it was, collect myself and then go at it with the wife. It took awhile, but we got the mount up and the TV on it, and hooking it up was a breeze... except we needed a new 4K receiver from Bell, so we did have to wait till that came in. Anyway, this is one hell of a way to watch TV! Everything is new again. But now we have to get a 4K player for the 4K discs we have. I'm a staunch fan of blu-ray, but 4K is that next step up. Just this past weekend we had Natalie over to watch our 'Avatar: Way of Water' blu-ray, the first one we'd watch on this TV. Holy crap, it's almost 3D. This made me wonder what a lot of movies must look on this screen. I've got a pretty big collection of blu-rays, so we've got a lot of re-watching to do now. TV is kind of important to us in the winter, because neither of us likes the cold at all. Especially Janice, where she has that terrible arthritis. To me, winter is all accidents and illness. People crash their cars and get in accidents with all the ice and snow, and people get sick left right and center. And Lord, was I sick in December. It's because I broke my ribs then that I had to stay away from the gym until only last week. And still, I have to be careful.
Speaking of going back to the gym, the first couple of workouts have been ass whippers for the two of us. You can lose a lot of your conditioning in just a one month layoff. The muscles come back fairly quick, it's just getting the energy to use them. We don't really have any goals at the gym, other than to keep our bodies primed for living life. At the age we're at now, it gets to be use-it-or-lose-it territory. I can see a time though, at least, that we might have to move to a bungalow or something, if it was possible. Janice is having her knee replaced in two weeks, and the other knee isn't far behind. So stairs are going to be an issue sometime, but in the meantime, our bathroom is upstairs here. I think she'll be spending a fair bit of time upstairs for a while during her early recoup.
And the moving idea peaks my interest a bit because Moncton is getting so very busy in the city. Taller buildings and condos and apartments are happening, bringing more of a metro vibe to the city. That's all well and good, but the neighborhood we live in right now was pretty easygoing. But with all the building going on, mice and rats are exploding in numbers, and where there's more city, there's more crime. Downtown is just down the road from us. The huge hurdles there are really the housing market and our ability to even do it. I actually don't think our finances are suited for it, but who knows what the future holds. I do have a 649 ticket I forgot to check.
It's been a notably calm winter in these parts up to this point. We still haven't had a real snowstorm by Moncton standards. Temps are a little more sharply colder here and there, but nothing that ever lasts.
And that's pretty much all there is to report for now. Thanks for droppin' in!
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