An Inconvenient Tooth

It's the middle of December!  Where'd the frakkin' year go anyway?  What better time to take a look at some of the highs and lows of the past 12 months, that I can remember anyway.  Without having some kind of war break out.  I think I've done my share of that already.

I remember 2010, how rough it was.  Real rough on me, mentally and emotionally, just about completely relating to job issues.  Between taking a ton of abuse at Vail's Dry Cleaning, leading up to my walking out and subsequent half year unemployed due mostly to my confidence issues, I got real lucky in getting hired by one of the best guys I've ever worked for.  Though that was rough starting out, because in all actuality, I wasn't working for him during the first month, but whatever.  Here we are now, apparently I'm doing a smashingly good work, got a raise, an endorsement to advance, and workwise I haven't been happier in years.  I've only called in sick one day.  What a day THAT was.  Man, I was so sick, I was barfing SO heavy, it looked like the shit in my bowels took a u-turn and headed up the other direction.  Sorry to make you gag.  Hey, that's all I did!  But, it was only one round of it.  But it was the most heavy, intense round of being sick I've ever dealt with.  Let's just put it this way... there were two years out of the last seven that I didn't get my flu shot, and those two years I was as sick as I could have possibly been.  Needless to say, I'm sporting this season's immunization.  I did have a bit of a cold this season so far, but I can handle a cold.  I can't handle u-turn poopie pukes though.

I've made... I think three trips to the dentist this year too.  One for a checkup... found out of course, had two holes that were one on each side, that was a piss off.  Why not both one side?  Get frozen, bang bang, done.  Nooooo.  Had to get that stinkin' needle x 2.  I remember my brother Rick telling me that this dentist uses freezing gel, Orajel kind of stuff, and then you don't even feel the needle going in.  Yeah.  Maybe not 'going' in, just when it's coming out the other friggin' side of your head and you feel like a voodoo doll when the freezing party's over.  Don't get me wrong, if he's gotta freeze, he's gotta freeze.  Last thing I need is a raw nerve waiting to reach out and touch that drill and let my brain know that Armageddon's here.  But honestly, I walk out of there trying not to talk unless I really, really, really have to, or else I wind up sounding like a drunk meth addict that just got nailed with a tranq dart and looking like the dog from 'Turner and Hooch'.  "Sooo, Michael, we can expect you back for a cleaning in about six months?"  I shake my head.  "Oh?  When abouts would you like that then?"  Figures.  I need yes or no questions for frig's sake.  This required explaining, of course.  "Mubuy insurbances obenly cubbers bun cleabing uh yeebir."  She understood right away, of course, knowing the language of Frozemouth.  "Your insurance only covers one cleaning a year, okay."  "Yebuss."  "Okay, so we'll make an appointment for the other side... what's the best time of day for you?"  Sigh.  "Saybum tibum, laybeet abterboon.  slurrrrp."  You said it Hooch.  Back I went two weeks later for the other bitch in my mouth, and I was in the clear.

Or WAS I?  Duhn-duhn-duuhhhhhh.

Of course, about a month later, I followed up with the faithful soft-toothed tradition of the Cooks and got myself what my old retired dentist called a 'fender bender', or a broken off tooth.  Last time I let one of those suckers slide, I wound up having to have the whole thing yanked out.  Piece by piece.  Plus, the added fun and joy of dry socket.  Try eating Doritos for the first time after that's been done.  I was speaking in tongues.  When it comes to the dentist, NOTHING ever comes easy for me.  My kid?  Not a cavity yet.  She's fifteen.  I think I had at LEAST fifteen cavities by the TIME I was 15.  I loved my sugar.  Nowadays, I've got so much metal in my mouth, my last dentist advised me not to go swimming.  I plan on making an audition for the Jaws character in the James Bond films if there's ever a casting call for it.

Anyway, I got the fender bender taken care of.  Not without more voodoo doll needles, though, and a deep freeze in the jaw that made me wonder if my mouth was going to wind up zombified.  Maybe not the walking dead, but the chewing dead maybe.  As it turns out, it didn't really work that great.  I've got a food trap in there now that I'm dying 'not' to fix, because I don't want to OD on Novacaine, and I chew on the right side of my mouth so predominantly that I'm probably starting to talk like Jim Ross in the WWE.  But I'll just hang in there for awhile.  Not to mention, with all the x-rays I've gotten in my life, who needs a friggin' nitelite when good 'ol Mikey's around??

Something else I wound up dealing with, or discovering maybe would be better put, is that I have weather activated migraines.  I didn't even know such a thing existed until I did research on it.  When I talked to the doc about it a couple of years ago, I told him only Tylenol 3 seemed to stand a fighting chance to get rid of them when they came on, not recognizing at the time that they only came on when there were low pressure weather systems in the air.  And man, let me tell you, when those sinus pains are at their worst, they're enough to just level me.  My balance goes bonkers and everything.  There were times that I had to forego the Ty 3's and go for my heavier meds that I took while I was dealing with kidney stones before that.  Anyway, I haven't seen the doc yet again, but when I do, for my check up (complete with the good 'ol finger puppet routine because of prostate cancer in the family), I'll discuss it then.  He gave me Maxalt before, specifically for migraines, but I didn't want to take it unless I really had to, and I've got a pretty good threshold for pain.  Whether that's good or bad, I don't know.

Physical issues aside, there were emotional ups and downs through the year that I wasn't quite ready to deal with, because I thought 2010 was such a write-off in that department that I'd get a free pass with 2011.  Nope.  No, I really thought 2011 would be better.  I think, looking back, it was at least as bad.  Not pointing fingers at anyone for anything either.  Just saying that's how it was.  I have an incredibly understanding wife, who acknowledges with me that I have a fair amount of stuff to deal with.  What I have to learn, ultimately, is to not take things so damn seriously.  Not just the bad things, but the good things too.  The bad things... people say things, no matter what.  I talked to Janice and Alexandra the other day, and we were talking about the past year, like I'm doing now, while we were having lunch in the car in the parking lot while I was on lunch break.  Alexandra said at the end of the discussion, "well Dad, now that we've depressed you all over again...!"  To which I said, "no no, you guys.  The fact of the matter," I said while talking with my hands, "is that I've learned one thing in the past number of months.  I've learned that I have to not be offended so easily.  I can't take things too seriously.  And that I have to let people take me at my word, and if they can't, it's then their problem to deal with.  If I have a bar of gold in my hands, and I give it to a friend or brother or whatever, I'll tell them, 'this is real gold'.  They will either believe it's gold, or maybe some cheap rock, or maybe a gold plated rock.  But the fact is, I've told them what I know it is.  And it's up to them to believe it or not.  And my word," I finished, "is as good as gold.  And they can take that to the bank, or throw it away.  Either way, it's not my decision."

Hence, I sit here in my house at my computer keyboard, typing out this blog, knowing that there are going to be a few people who actually do read it.  And here is my bar of gold:  I am a human being.  I've made mistakes, but I've done a lot more good things than that, that far outweigh them.  If you know me well enough, you know that much.  I come to you now as a humble man, with a humble heart, without want or need for a wealthier living, but for a richer life.  And nothing will enrich my life more than the experiences I've encountered along the way that I can use for a reference point for the future.  This does not make me impervious to mistakes.  But, the mistakes I make, and the mistakes you make, make us both, make us all, wiser to each other and more understanding.  As we drive down the long and winding road of life, we take the potholes, and sometimes stop to fix a flat.  But if we find ourselves on that road again for whatever reason, at least we know what to watch for.  I look to those who have more time on the clock than I do, and willingly absorb whatever cautionary tales they have to offer.  And I hope that the same wisdom that I impart to those with less time on that clock will take the same heed.

I wish to take this moment to thank those who've commented on my last 'A Wrong of Passage' blog.  My friend Darren spoke a bit on facebook to me about those days.  It's true, we say now we wish we could have known then what we know now, but we made it through.  It all happens for a reason.  Perhaps it's because we were meant to be the adults who supported the kids today to stand up to this problem and hopefully deal with the root of the issue, the 'bullies', who no doubt are being bullied themselves, somewhere in their lives.  It's just learned behavior.  I think Pam, also on facebook, would agree with me on that.  Michelle D, Caren, Sara, Tammy, and Donna, I appreciate your reading and your kind words.  And Tim (aka Jean Guy Rubberboot), one of the most solid and steadfast friends I've ever been blessed with, you're right on all counts.  One thing I'd like to say about that blog, though, was that I wasn't aiming so much at ringing the dinner bell for my own pity party, as much as saying, I'm one very small example of what bullying behavior can amount to in an adult later on in life.  Don't ever expect every person to handle situations the same.  Some of us are stronger than others, while there are those, like me, who are stronger inside in spite of  those times.  I am who I am, and I'm proud of it, because of what I've gone through.  Every day I wake up in the morning and face the day, is one more battle I've won.  And my counter attack to those dark times is my discussing it.  I've won the battle.  I just want to pummel the enemy long after that bell's rung.

Now, if you'll pardon me, I have the incredible urge to go and vigorously brush my teeth.  

Fire up the colortinis now, boys and girls, and watch those pictures fly through the air.

And if you don't hear from me before then, Merry Christmas to you.  

A 'Wrong' of Passage

An awful lot has been said about bullying these days.  It's in the news, activists are rising up, kids are crying out... it's all over the place.

I'm no stranger to it.  I thought I'd post my own thoughts and experiences on the issue.

Bullying comes in a lot of forms.  These days, you tend to hear about it a lot from gay kids who are getting threatened and beaten up because they're different from the bullies.  Ostracizing doesn't resolve anything either, rather it tends to breed more problems.  It's only another kind of bullying.

In junior high school, right around when I was 12, I got into a band you may have heard of, named KISS.  In school at that point, I wasn't terribly popular.  I was just an normal average kid, and up to that point I wasn't picked on a whole lot, although girls were particularly cruel very often.  Yeah, that hurts, just recalling it.  These things stick with you forever.  But I did have friends.  The problems came when I entered junior high at Queen Elizabeth School, and I happened upon a KISS record called "Destroyer" via my friend Darren.  He let me borrow the record, and I took it home and caught on to it.  Here are these guys in costumes, seven feet tall, makeup hiding their identities (no one knew at the time what they looked like without it), spitting blood, breathing fire, drums rising to the ceiling of the arenas, bombs going off... they were real-life superheroes.  The perfect escape mechanism for kids looking to immerse themselves in a different world for awhile.

I used to draw pictures of KISS in art class, draw their logo on everything I owned, and proudly proclaim my allegiance to the KISS Army.  But punk rock was on the rise at the same time.  There was a sect of kids who were into it, with the Ramones, The Government, Devo, The Monks, tons of others, all with their rebel following.  They weren't just pro-punk, they were anti-KISS.  I would get punched, kicked, ganged up on, have my hair pulled, pranks played on me, called names, it was continuous.  Other kids would look on and laugh at the fun being made at my expense.  This made me absolutely hate punk rock.  And I hated going to school, and it made me question myself.  It made me wonder if there was something wrong with me because I was being picked on so much.  It stuck with me so much that I developed a complex and withdrew from people.  There were other things that went on in those days that brought me through some very, very dark times.  But being bullied did not do me any favors.  It's a wonder, in retrospect, that it actually didn't push me over the edge.  What these bullies didn't know, was that I was sexually violated... my dad was an alcoholic... I lived in a poor home... and I was beginning to hate myself for being on the outside, feeling I wasn't good enough to be on the 'inside'.  I spent a lot of time alone in tears wondering why I even had to exist.  Being bullied was the opposite of what I needed.  I needed support instead.  But then, who doesn't.

I never had a serious girlfriend until I got to grade 11, bearing in mind I failed a couple of years in junior high because of all the distractions.  I neglected to mention that I was hit by a car three times up to that point, between grades 7 and 9.  I nearly got killed two of those three times, when my head went through a windshield once, and another time my skull crashed to the pavement, sending me into a coma and the hospital for two weeks.  Now, looking back, I wonder... how many kids get hit by a car even once?  I got hit three times.  I don't know if subconsciously I even cared to be around anymore.  When kids are bullied, they wonder where they're even wanted or needed at all.  I know I did.  It goes deeper into the brain than a lot of people who aren't bullied realize.

Everyone is built differently.  There are success stories, where kids overcome being bullied and lead storybook lives.  There are a lot of those.  But then there are other stories where kids go down the wrong path, look for an escape in drugs or alcohol, and hang with the wrong crowds.  Many of those will wind up in jail, or dead.  There are also those just like me.  Modestly successful in life, but silently simmering underneath, not able to break through that barrier that exists between myself and the social world.  The confidence seed never did blossom for me, or those like me, and likely never will.  When the program was being written in those innocent years, the corrupt file tagged 'ego' prevented a lot of the rest of it from working.  'Ego' was a file corrupted by a virus, named 'Bullying'.

The point to all this is, that there are kids out there right now who are enduring the same kind of bullying, or worse.  A lot of people are fighting back, finally.  Bullying is no longer a 'rite of passage' in life.  It's unacceptable.  It always was.  But it's done now.  It's over.  This can't be allowed to continue anymore.  I have a child of my own now, and she was bullied in the same grades, in the same school, as I was growing up.  Right now, I call out Queen Elizabeth School here in Moncton, to shape up and protect the kids who are calling out for help.  Not only that, but don't just treat the symptoms, treat the problem.  What about the bullies themselves?  I'd put money on the idea that they come from broken homes and are abused themselves.  They are also kids, after all.  Who's writing and corrupting their programs?  The cycle must be broken.  This is the generation that is stepping up to make that happen.

Sadly, bullying doesn't just stop in school.  It goes beyond.  I've been in workplaces in my recent past that have brought back those dark days just a little too vividly.  I especially need to call out Vail's Dry Cleaning here in the city.  I worked with people who were taken advantage of, degraded, and bullied by management there, and it still goes on to this day.  Despite making a report to my job counselor, whom I sought out because I was failing with interviews after I left Vail's due to my crumbled, near-non existent confidence because of the aforementioned management, nothing has been done or, I fear, will be done about the way that company treats people.  To this very day I feel the ill effects of the mistreatment from that job.  I'm not the only one.  There are dozens and dozens of others.  No kidding.  Kids look to adults for help when it comes to bullying right now.  Where do adults look to?  I had nowhere.  Thankfully, I wound up with a job that is the opposite of that kind of treatment which I have right now.

So, where do we go from here?  Is the notion of standing up to bullies and beating them at their own game the way to go?  Do we become a monster to defeat a monster?  Or do we try to understand the problem before we attempt to fix it?  When a car breaks down, we don't just get rid of it.  We bring it to a professional to restore it.  If we can do that to machines, why can't we do this for our fellow men and women, boys and girls?

I'm thankful to be sitting here, in my very modest house, with my more than understanding wife and daughter, because I know things could have been far worse.  They probably should have been far worse. It's not fair to think, though, that someone else should ever have to go through this kind of crap anymore.  It's time to evolve.

Thanks for dropping by.  I hope you take something from this entry.

I Am Iron Man

Snow is on the way for tonight I guess.  At least that's what the reports are saying.  Here we go!

Been in the house all day today, no regrets.  It's Thursday, my day off before I work the weekend.  I do that every three weeks.  I like where I work, so no problem.  I've been there for a year now.

We took an offer from Bell and got the movie channels free for the next 2 months.  We want Dexter on TV instead of the little computer screen.  That was our main motivation.  And pardon the pun, but it's a killer season.

Interesting how the deficit is ballooning in this province and they're talking about job cuts and tax hikes, when Premier Awkward expressly said none of that was going to be happening when he was campaigning.  I hate to say I told you so, folks, but.... well.... and it's only gonna get worse and worse.

One more workout and I'll be done week 2 of my new training routine.  It's going good.  I'll be 46 in a little over a month, and I'm in the best shape of my whole life.  Janice is a powerhouse.  She pumps more iron than any woman I've ever personally known.

But, it's November 17 and in 13 more days, I'll have proven my point!  ;)

As the years go by and the worse things seem to get, I've become more and more disgusted with combat sports, like boxing, 'mixed martial arts', hockey... yes I said it, hockey is a combat sport.  Too much fighting.  I can't endorse kids watching grown men on the ice fighting over such minor things or nearly beheading each other with their sticks.  Human beings need to evolve faster.

Adele is overrated.  Yes, I said it.  She drinks, she smokes, which is all well and good, but if you're seriously going to sing for a living, smarten the hell up.  Hey, Whitney Houston had that same height of success.  Even more.  Will this Adele be any different than that career path?  I hear 'Someone Like You' and it reminds me of Rizzo from 'Grease'.

Will somebody please tell me why higher oil stock prices are 'good news'?  The 1% fat cats might think it is. But for us paycheck to paycheck people, heating our houses and filling our gas tanks is getting harder and harder to do.  THAT is why there is the Wall Street occupation.

Speaking of... Canadian cities really needn't bother with doing that stuff.  Sure, our financial system is broken, but not more than the U.S. one is.  If you aren't looking to get a job, you will look that part.  And I see a whole lot of people like that on the news every night at these protests.  But, police and governments aren't doing anyone any favors with their middle east style reactions.

We've been cooking on the stove with cast iron skillets for a while now, but only recently have we discovered how to season the pans.  And it's simple!  Cast iron skillets are pretty cheap, really, and far healthier for you than teflon, not to mention are far easier to cook with because they conduct heat so well.  Next time you're in Canadian Tire or somewhere where they have them, pick one up, and us this link to season it.  Be careful though, it's tricky because it's hot and heavy.

Something else we've done around here is try to keep the house as least toxic as we can.  I'm sure my first cat, Rocky, died because of too much exposure to solvents and stuff.  If you wax your floors or use that Swiffer Wet Jet crap, or use Fantastik or something like it to clean up, you're leaving potentially harmful residue behind not just for your pets, but for you and your loved ones.  We use spray bottles filled with half/half vinegar and water.  That takes care of most of everything.  Remember if you have pets, they lick their paws countless times a day.  If your floors are coated with solvents, you're asking for trouble.

This is just a short entry, perhaps most of them will be if I wind up posting more often.  If you dropped by, thanks for doing so!  You know by now how much I appreciate it.  But I'll continue to express my gratitude. Please let me know you've been here if you have a moment, below or facebook or e-mail or whatever.

Fire up the colortinis now and watch the pictures fly through the air.

Good night.